: : ADi is Dreamy. Capture it. : :

Sunday, August 24, 2008
It's about trust, baby...

There's always a time in a relationship, be it between friends, families and especially those BGR-type ones when trust becomes an issue.

"You're not being entirely truthful no sincere to me."

"I don't think this can go on. Think about what's happened previously, to you, to us."

"This can't go on, for as long as you still have your ex in mind."

Or the worst case scenario, and the mother of all slip ups,

"Who da **** is Linda/Shawn?!?!?!?!?!?! *insert random name*

Then again everyone has secrets, both big and small. They're like little ticking time bombs. When you don't know about it, it doensn't hurt you. But when you do, either you implode, or you explode.

I can't help but to sometimes realise that there are lies told to me every now and then. I see it as a form of protection from the hurtful truth. Which then goes back to the initial question, can there be trust within lies? Can I trust you with those lies?

You can lie to yourself. But this lie will never cause yourself to lose trust in yourself.

Why can't this be the same with human relationships?
Why can't I continue trusting you despite those lies?
Why can't you continue trusting me despite these lies?

Perhaps that's what makes us human, different from the rest of Maths and science, where there are formulas, rules and laws which are ALWAYS obeyed.
We are just filled with too many variables, which you can't just force fit into any particular group, or classification.

Well, maybe you can classify us people into a few categories like:
Race - Malays, Chinese, Indians, Afro-americans, hispanics...
Language - Malay, English, Mandarin, Hokkien, Spanish, German, French
Religion - Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, Athiesm...
Skin Colour - Brown generally.. Light brown, dark brown, white, red, black...
Hair Colour - Blonde, Black, Grey...
Eye Colour - Brown, blue, grey..
Age - Kids, preteen, Teenagers, middle age... And those who are Forever Sweet 17
Birthdays - Born in January, Febuary etc.. Horoscopes...
Nationality - Filipinos, Americans, Singaporeans, Indians...
Likings and Preferences - Coffee / Tea, To-MAY-to / To - MAH - to...
Upbringing - Poverty vs Silver spoon vs mediocrity
Physical Environment - Mountains, Cities, Rivers, Fields, Equatorial, Arctic...
Location of moles (I heard that if you have one at you're ear, you're a stubborn person. If one on EACH ear, it makes you extra stubborn.)

... but the combination of this makes people different. If I can define the personality of humans by an equation, then sociologists needn't work too hard.

Too may variables for every individual. 6 Billion people. No two have exactly the same personality, beliefs, and values.

But I digress.

Opposites attract. That's all I can say. I can't fall in love with me. I need to fall in love with someone who is NOT me. 6 billion people in the world. 1 billion are in India and China. 4 million in Singapore. 50% males. I'm sure, out of the 2 million I can find someone.

Ironic eh? I say everyone is different. But I need to find someone who is not me. So am I saying then that everyone is like me, hence I can't find that special one? But isn't everyone different?

Hmm... How about you, angel?

PS: I have a bad habit of throwing first timers into the deep end of the pool. Cos that's how we learn.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 9:09 am

Wednesday, August 20, 2008
AMD

AMD - A Mindless Drone.

That's what I've become. 5 days of work. STRAIGHT.

No time for anything elsewhere. Too tired for anything after work.

But everything is a little brighter, some place, some how.

I'm just a little tired now.

I Love you.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 11:34 am

Saturday, August 16, 2008
It's Only...

It's only when you go around the world, that you realise that it's not flat.

It's only when things start happening to you, do you realise that the world revolves around the sun. And unfortunately you're not the sun.

It's only when shit is in the edge, do you realise that you don't have enough tissue paper.

It's only when an accident happens, do you go, "Oops!"

It's only when its too late, do you realise that you should've started some things a little sooner.

It's only when you start, do you sometimes wish that you didn't.

Likewise, it's only when it's gone, do you realise what you had.

Don't take things for granted. Your friends, family, buddies and loved ones. For you'll never know if the time that you last saw them would be the last time you'd see them, ever.
Be thankful.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 11:47 pm

Sunday, August 10, 2008
"... and it starts with a smile..."

Perhaps I now know what I need.
I jsut came to realise that I've probably been moving around aimlessly, that's why it really seems that I'm a really random dude.

What I need, really, is a goal.
Something that motivates me.

What I lost wasn't a friend when I lost her. Cos I still have her tagging along. But what I last most was the motivation. I probably did it to impress her at that time, beng the smart-er one, the more informed one. But now, when all that's left is blind faith, the motivation is lost.

So I need a goal.
Instead of finding it a chore to meet my minimum grades, I should instead look for a reason to do well, where it's unrelated to what I have to do. It should be what I want to do.

Analogically... Like how a guy would woo a girl to get under her skirt. Not that he needs to get under her skirt (that'd be classified as attempted rape, yes?), perhaps he just wants to. That's when it becomes an interesting game. But you see, other things are more of a chore, like housework. It's not something that you want to do (for you, Shidah, I don't know...) its something that you need to do. Hence they're called household CHORES.

So I don't need a chore. I need a challenge.

And my biggest challenge now? To find myself that challenge, and to believe in it.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 6:02 pm

Saturday, August 09, 2008
For my Biggest Fan

Ok, You made me update.

It's cos I know that you actually spend a lot of time here.

So this is for you.

Oh.. Thanks for keeping me company at 6 this morning. And its a SUNDAY for goodness sake. Its not Saturday. Honestly, when my body closk gets screwed up, the last thing that anyone wants to tell me is that I'm having to go thru the same day TWICE.

I honestly don't look forward to the weekends.
It means work.

Weekends mean that whatever enjoyment I would want to have, it's all after dark.
No more romantic Saturday AFTERNOON movie dates. No more Sunday MORNING cycling trips. Ok, maybe I lied about the movie dates, but I really used to look forward to Saturdays as they mean that I would have something to do - dates, volunteer sessions, family days, chill out sessions.

Man, I miss those days...

I have ONE free Saturday this 23 Aug. And there's nothing like a good OSC Orientation Session to help fill up my Saturday. That should keep me busy till around 6.. Then.. erm.. then I got no plans after that.

So, to my greatest fan, 23 Aug? Is that day Fine enough?

Having to wait till 15 Sept is a killer.

For my dearest love, I guess commitment needs some getting used to.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 10:11 am

Friday, August 01, 2008
One

Number's are colourful aren't they? The longer they are, the more value it has. I believe only man has the ability to make sense of squiggles, and lines which we create (tho the same can't be said for doctors).

Disappeared for a while today. Trying to be at one with myself. I feel that I'm not really my true self lately.

Then again, who am I? Have I lost my identity? Rai says that I'm a narcicist.

nar·cis·sism [nrsə sìzzəm]
noun
1. self-admiration: excessive self-admiration and self-centeredness
2. personality disorder: in psychiatry, a personality disorder characterized by the patient’s overestimation of his or her own appearance and abilities and an excessive need for admiration.
In psychoanalytic theory, emphasis is placed on the element of self-directed sexual desire in the condition.

Shidah finds me smart.

smart [smaart]
adjective (comparative smart·er, superlative smart·est)
1. clever: showing intelligence and mental alertness
2. witty and amusing: amusingly clever and possessing a quick wit

Honestly, lately I find peace in people accepting me for who I am, despite my imperfections. Karma I must say. I accept people for who they are. Wisdom is my guide. You should accept and appreciate people for their unique personality. When you start finding imperfections, then that's when you'll find that as the day goes by, the relationship (or friendship) gets strained. And to all my friends, I accept you for how you're perfect.

Random...

This paragraph that you are reading, will probably take you a few minutes to digest. After reading this paragraph, you will soon realise that this paragraph hasn't informed you of anything new. THen you'd start wondering why I actually bothered to include this paragraph. Well, I'll tell you. I'm merely stringing a few, or rather, several words together to form complete sentences, which you'd soon realise doesn't really mean anything, and it hasn't made u any wiser. There we go, a few seconds of your life wasted reading a paragraph which didn't really add on to anything that you know or things that you don't know. If this paragraph didn't convince you that you didn't gain anything, then possibly you're confused.

Everything is slowly falling in place. One by one, things are happening, and everything will be in full swing soon.

I do realise, babe, that my presence may be overwhelming to you, and that you're having a tough time adapting to all this additional attention. Let's just say that I get excited easily and that there's a lot of pent up positive feelings which I need to just release to someone. I do hope that you don't get the wrong message by all this extra attention.

Adi's got a fan! And this is for you. You know who you are.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 12:50 am

randomly ME .

	Name : Bambang Suryadi Location : Upnorth, Singapore
	A little bit of here, a little bit of there. I'm a little bit of everywhere. You gotta find out more about me, to know where I'd be
View my complete profile

random-blabber .

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Clubbing this weekend? Keep me informed. I might just join you!

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random-prayer .

Dear God, Give me the answers I seek. Give me the strength to continue loving and caring, in this world full of hatred, and discontentment.

Dear God, do give me the strength, to go another day, with all the challenges I face.

Dear God, give me the ability to be the best that I can be, for my family and friends.

Dear God, please ensure her safety, and the safety of those she loves, and those who love her.

Dear God, don't take away this gift of patience, and faith which you have bestowed upon me, as it helps me keeps my sanity in times like this. Don't take away the love that I have for the people I care for.

Dear God, beyond everything I ask for help to make sure that the people I care for remain as happy as can be, even though you need to shroud me in misery.

random-things to say .

Choosing to Love you,
Is the best decision I've made, so far.

Wanting you to be happy,
Is my only consideration now.

Leaving you all alone,
Was never an option.

To be thinking about you always,
Is not easy, especially in tough times.

Being CHOPE
Is incomplete without the REAL chickadee.

random-influence .

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