: : ADi is Dreamy. Capture it. : :

Friday, December 31, 2004
Celebrating New Year - With Myself, My Phone, and my MP3s

It's New Years EVE!

And instead of partying at Sentosa, or Esplanade, or Suntec, or some Club somewhere, I'm Stuck at home! So here I am, in front of the Computer, with my MP3s in the background, and watching Fear Factor at hte same time. It's amazing that on New Year's Eve, I'm watching perfectly sane people, doing the epitome of insanity, by eating 'maggot-cheese.' Yes, cheese, probably cheddar, or it could be parmesan, or cream cheese, no, not cream cheese. Maybe some rotten cheese and its got maggots a la still alive for a sauce like topping! Cool eh?

Well, seeing a guy down the whole damn thing, is making my dinner go up from my guts to my oesophagus. Ewwww!

Anyway, yup, I'm here with myself, my phone, and my MP3s, trying to console myself.

Well, not that I dun wanna go, I do. Its just that, I can't go. I only went for it once, last year, and somehow, I don't intend to go for it again.

Confessions time. Abby, I'm sorry about last night. I just dun mean to lose it on you. i don't know what came over me, but I hope it was not too big an issue that we couldn't sort it out. I did have a good time today, shopping and everything. Thanks for a great day.
Alia, you're forgiven. But you're not at fault either. Let's get over it, k?
Everyone else, if you had to put up with my lashing last night, thanks for reading it, and sorry to have caused a bit of pain.

I went out with Abby today, shopping. We were at TM, chilling out at Starbucks, then went shopping for her sandals. Ladies, I got to ask you something. when you see a pair of sandals, or slippers on the shelve, usually it's too small for your feet (esp if you have big feet). Why, or how do you still stuff your foot in there, although you very ewll know it's too small? That happened oday, and every other day when I'm out shopping with Abby. Wears a 7, but still manages to squeeze into a 5, or even a 4! Amazing.
We did not get the sandals, but she managed to get 2 tops, one for herself, and another for her Mom. We nearly bought jeans also. NEARLY.

Abby, I love you!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Another Hour and a half to go. ...

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 10:31 pm

I received this from Abby. and I don't know whether to laugh, or cry.

---------------------

u made me feel guilty after reading ur blog..am i at fault for everything?no one's perfect n i admit i do make mistakes but sorry to say,i can't be like ur beloved cousin,alia..its ok if u wana find sumone like her..i know where i stand..
i know what are my bad points..jus say out if u dun like it..if u need more time to be alone,then i shan't bother u..just do watever u want ..just call me when u need me..if u dun,then its ok..
i dun noe what else to say..ya,i still love u..sorry to bother much of your precious time..

---------------------------

Whatever I'll do, it won't be done while i'm feeling like this.

Baby, I know u'll be there for me. But really, this isn't the first time that this is happening to me. I do appreciate your understanding. IF you want to know more, do click on the title of my last post, and see where that leads you.

Thanks Abby. I love you. Loads.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 1:17 am

Today feels like shit.

Maybe things have got the better of me. I'm feeling down, but I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe cos I've accomplished something, and I ask myself 'What's Next?'. Maybe its because I feel that my presence is no longer needed.

Off the top of my head, I can think of two people who really need me by their side right now. What's worrying is that my 'services' are almost complete. Abby, you're one of them.

I don't know why Im feeling this way. The feeling just engulfed my all of a sudden. Cos right now, I'm spending a bit more time with myself, away from Abby, away from Alia, away from everyone. And I feel that, well, this journey is coming to an end. I actually feel lethargic from al that piggy-backing and people tring to hitch a free ride.

I NEED AN ESCAPE!

Abby, I still love you.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 12:39 am

Thursday, December 30, 2004
The Starfish I Saved

Lia, my couzin sent me this. It's worth an entry by itself.

Reading it makes me feel good about myself, and I should step up my efforts to lend a hand. Maybe Abby would understand what's actually going on.

Abby, I don't need you to be like her. You're perfect in every way. I'm sorry that we haven't been talking as much. I was with myself, thinking.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Chubby Pecs,

Right now,just finished debating about a question on murder...very sadistic,but educational nevertheless! wow,it's tough debating with you...i have to use my super sharp mind and my neck kinda hurts since i look up often when i think hard hahahaha now we are talking about the malays and the chinese..i think you are probably half-asleep,i wouldn't blame you since I can go on for hours about them,they are so annoying(better not start)...

blaa.. blaa.. fashion tips...

okay,next on...as you now know,i am working hard to get the a's in my trials for a certain person who is like a big brother to me...(you probably don't know him since he has sooooo many chubby spots)...i will start tomorrow full swing,so no worries!oh crap,i know i will have to work hard and i willllllllll be motivated!!!!!!!!!!! yes yes i can...(i keep remembering the 'pump it up' song) you'll be there,right right?? at least until after my exams....if you abandon me,i think i will squish you into a pulp and take your limbs to lelong... that 'killing' question comes back into mind,actually.

you know,every time i e-mail or something to you,it always turns into a novel...amazing,i am not supposed to go on and on like this,but anyway i am sure you like to read and improve your reading skills :D which reminds me...i remember zuleika meeting a really hot guy in penang the other time(his name is rama) but anyway i also got to know him...suddenly,she started avoiding him and since she was the one(at that moment) who had already met him,i decided to meet him in person too...BIG MISTAKE!!

blaa.. blaa..

wow,i have learnt so much from you and about you through the times we have talked and shared experiences. yeah yeah you're older so you have more experience,etc...i am not sure whether you do trust me yet though,i mean you never really know those kinda things unless it's long term...so i guess I wouldn't blame you if you don't...sure,a connection can be reached in a matter of seconds but it's the real deal that could take years and years..i'm not sure wt=hether we's have that time or get that far,as we have kinda stated before...nevertheless,i am so proud of you and i think i always will be although i may not know all the great things you have accomplished. what little i know,those i already am proud of. congrats,you have done really well.

so have faith,okie?that sounds familiar...but i never really believed in 'having faith'.i do now,though. it's like seeing the world through a different pair of glasses where you realize the sun is brighter and the smiles on people's faces are wider.they seem to radiate more warmth and strength than you thought...through this,you begin to think that maybe you yourself have that big smile and warmth too...that's how i feel now,complicated as it sounds. i have much more faith...there are so many ways one can find success,it's just knowing what you want and having direction...suddenly,it sounds so simple...winning the mental battle is the most important battle of all...you must have faith. thanks for the guiding(don't let your head swell,some of this was my part too!) hehehe

yes,still enjoying the cd and playing the first song more repeatedly...it makes me feel so happy and positive!!!! :)) hopefully i can make a difference in your life as you have made to mine one day..

take care always
the nut

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 2:05 am

Monday, December 27, 2004
The Quake. A sign?

The Quake on Dec 26th serves as a reminder that we are mere servants, and the Creator of all beings is most powerful, and most merciful.

Come, let us all join hands and pray for the people of India, Thailand, Malaysia, Maldives, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Myanmar, and even as far as Somalia, Europe and the American continents, who have sufferred losses, either directly or indirectly from the quake, and the ensuing tidal waves.

No need to recount that the 9.0 quake caused waves up to 30 feet high to strike coastal areas without warning. No need to recall that the waves swept through everything, hurling people, cars, and debris everywhere. No need to rcount that the death toll is 25,000 be the end of the week. No need to recount all that.

Even a smaller earthquake that caused 30,000 deaths in Bam last year was forgotten weeks after the report was published.

Apocalypse is near. And we can't avoid it. Save yourselves now while you can.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 11:38 pm

Sunday, December 26, 2004
Something to say...

I wanted to say something. But I just can't put into words. Maybe later tonight.

Abby, I love you.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 1:44 pm

Saturday, December 25, 2004
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY

I'd like to take this oppurtunity to wish everyone a joyous Merry Christmas and an advance Happy New Year.

I've been pretty occupied the whole week. Well, actually, I haven't the mood to update.

Briefly, here's what happened this week, starting from the most significant.

Last Saturday - Dad's family gathering at Sentosa. It was pretty fun. Wished I stayed longer though. It's been a very long while since I met them all. Maybe 10 years. It was nice to meet all my cousins again, especially those from KL; Alia, Adila and Matin. It was a chance to meet everyone again. Smiles, Hellos and pictures everywhere. Aunty Murni from KL also said that I looked irresistable and have become very Macho.

Thanks for the compliment.

Then the week came. Painful and slow. Yet long. Met up with Abby on Monday, after so long. Man, I miss her.

I think it's safe to say that since Monday night, I've been on MSN with Alia, my cousin from KL. It's really amazing technology is. We're still catching up on 10 years' worth of gossip, and developements. I learnt a lot more about my family from her. I didn't think that she'd share so much. She was also saying how brilliant I was, and how granny was talking about me, being so smart. Lia, I'm not that smart, nor that Brilliant. My fuse burnt a long time ago.

Came Thursday. I received the best news. Abby's pregnant. HEHE... Right... I meant, she's got her Christmas off, and we're planning to spend the whole day together. So it's a long awaited date. Yup, darling, I remember. It's today, 2pm, at Raffles Place MRT.

Yesterday, met Lia again on MSN. Besides the usual banter, she did tell me that she's got a tough time trying to concentrate on her studies. She's got a major exam coming up on Jan 3rd, and she's unmotivated to study, cos she feels that even when she does well, there's no one who respects her achievements. She's taking it really badly.

So, Mr Chubby Pecs (the name Lia gave me) came to the rescue. I gave her some motivation: the need to do well now, for an easy and almost certain future, and I gave her a suggetion, almost a crash course on how she should study the 18 topics, ranging 5 subjects, over the next 9 days! It wasn't easy. Cracked my brains for it. It's worth it.

So that's it!

Today I'm meeting ABBY. We're jus gonna chill at Coffee Bean at Boat Quay. And I can't decide what to wear.

Alia, I have faith in you. Remember that. The many people who want you to fail are just jealous of your achievements. Even if you can't beat what Zati has done, you sure can beat this brilliant genius cousin of yours.

Abby, I miss you. I love you. I long for your presence by my side, always.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 12:02 pm

Sunday, December 19, 2004
Camp was fun

Finally got over my exhaustion for the camp. I learnt a lot during that camp. But most importantly, I learnt that Kids, in every form, will always be kids. Simple pleasures, smple answers to difficult situations.

I got up at one today. Went to a wedding ceremony at Simei. Argh... I hated it. Let's just say I wasn't exactly in the mood for any merry-making and socialising today. Smiles everywhere though.

Which sets me thinking. Abby, 7 years is too long for you. But 5 is just nice. Babe, why don't we just let time have it's way, and let our love blooms as it is.

I still love you.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 9:09 pm

Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Friday came Early...

For the record, its only Tuesday. But it sure does feel like a Friday.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for a 3-day camp to Ubin, jointly organised by SPF and MENDAKI. I'm really looking forward to it. I do hope I will enjoy my stay there.

You guys take care...

Abby, I love you.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 11:39 pm

Monday, December 13, 2004
Cycling was Fun!

OK... it wasn't THAAAAAT fun.. but it sure was fulfilling.

Being a volunteer is fun, and I mean that in a genuine way.

To me, being a volunteer is not about getting enough hours of community service, like some of you... It's not about curry favouring and showing the rest of the world that you are some champion of a volunteer...

It's all about making a difference in the lives of those you've touched. Seeing them change, being one with them, learning from them, and share with them what you've learnt in oyur life journey.
It's just telling them that you care, and you wanna share.

The cycling event was in the Malay papers today, 2nd page. It was recognition everywhere. It was about making a small organisation, with inspiring objectives for the Community, heard. MENDAKI helped.

When I was there, the usual crowd was there. The target: PROBLEM kids. Kids with no direction, no leads, no proper guidance, no family love, no family attention, no hope. Most of them, were on happy sticks, and it wasn't surprising if some were on weed or yaba, and more on booze. Really. These were kids who would get into trouble with the law for all the wrong reasons. And these were the very kids whom I want to learn from, and guide them through, Just like the light.

Beyond the masks of defiance and anti-estalishments, those faces hid a character to be uncovered, each with his strengths and special skills. Each with something to share, each with something I can learn from.

On the outside, those kids were ruffians. Any normal person with even a half a brain would immediately know that those kids meant trouble for anyone. But only people with a full open mind would see beyond the outside would know what these kids mean. And I thank YM, for letting me see them within. And I salute the 30 odd volunteers from YM and SAFF-PERDAUS who stayed up all night to make it a roaring success.

Maybe a piece to share.

If you can't save a million starfish, save as much as you can. For the starfish you save, would breed into many many more.

These very kids are our future. If we don't mould them into functional adults with even half a brain now, then when? Tomorrow would be a day to late. But yesterday will never be a day too early.

Start today.

Fitri, Shakil, Taufik, Hidayat, Luthfi, Christina, Fiza, Hambali, Hanafi, Anuar, Kak Hazlinda, Abang Bachtiar, Sudiani, I will see you guys on Wednesday.

The MENDAKI crew, thanks for the oppurtunity to learn.

Rudy, thanks.

Abby, it was worth it. Thanks.

Rest of you, see you tomorrow.

This is not a promotional message from YM to get you to join any of their volunteer programs. But if you're interested, you can click here for more infomation.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 8:57 pm

Saturday, December 11, 2004
Outta Here! \m/

Going for my NITE Cycling with MENDAKI later, organised by SAFF-PERDAUS. Not sure what they mean, but they're Muslim VWOs.

Despite what happenned at Taman Warisan, I'm still loyal to them. It's okay, I tell myself. That day was just another bad day for them, and I should do my part to make kids happy, simply just by being there, to interact with them.

Yeah.. So you guys sit tight, and enjoy oyurselves, aight?

I'll get back to you tomorrow.

Abby, I love you. I'll see you tomorrow at 9.30 am. Call me later.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 5:49 pm

I'm still trying to figure that one out.

That's the name one of my, so-called, friends put my name as in their handphones. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. On one part, she only knows me by Adi. And we don't meet often, so knowing my name is really not an issue..

But really, isn't it amazing how people interpret your name can speak volumes of you, and the person?

BAMBANG SURYADI [Pronounced Bambang (like harm) SuRRyadi]

And not Bambeng, Bembeng, not Suraidi, and definitely not cancbog pupwadi.

I did have this alter ego. About my name. I wished I was called Ruhaidi Salman. Dunno why. Only then did I realise a Salman Khan, and a Salman Rushdee. I had no intentions to copycat their names though.

Let me explain.

I was born BAMBANG SURYADI BIN MOHAMED RAZIB. For 14 years, when I mention my name, 2 immediate questions shhot at me. 1. Are you Chinese?; and 2. Are you Indonesian?
Then I decided to call myself ADI. Those I met online, call me ADI, and those I met in school, still call me Bambang. Till JC, everyone was calling me ADI. Came NS, there were 2 other ADI's around, so I reverted to BAMBANG again. Using ADI, people did not ask if I was Indonesian. So I did save myself the trouble.

Despite getting much tanner nowadays ,I still get people mistaking me for being Chinese. From experience, I've learnt a useful phrase, which I've learnt to speak in perfect Mandarin, "Wo pu shi hua-ren. Wo shi Malai-ren," which meant I'm not a Chinese, I'm a Malay. Of course that stunned the Chinese! "Orh! Ni pu shi hua-ren ah? Ni de Kong shi hua-ren hor" You're not a Chinese? You look like a Chinese.

But I've learnt. Looking like a Chinese, it's unevitable that people would mistake you for being one. It's not a bad thing, really. So instead of making a big fuss out of it, I decided to learn conversational Mandarin. Picked them up informally, at school, and at work. Well, I can understand a fair bit of Mandarin, but although I can't speak it as well, I think I'm doing pretty okay.

Thanks to all my Chinese-speaking friends out there, who have helped me pick up the language. Although I know that it's irritating when someone cuts into the conversation, and rude, thanks for understanding and being patient. Especially to Jason and Xiaochuan, thanks for the foundation. I'm sure you'll be proud of my abilities now. Also to Fazaliah, my inspiration to pick up the language. It was jealousy because you got a Chinese boyfriend, and I did have a crush on you for a while in secondary school. Also to OC Registry and D P&O who always speak to me in Mandarin, not sure if it's ignorance, convenience, or simply goodwill to encourage me to speak better Mandarin. And lastly to my younger bro, Dasuki, for actually having formal lessons in Kindergarten and doing so well in the paper that I think you're born to the wrong family.

That's that. Let's trace my roots. I'm Malay, but I think I only account for 25% of my blood. Another 25% is Chinese. And the rest is Indonesian, from Central Java. My Mum's 100% Javanese blood. While my Dad is 50-50. My Dad's mum is Chinese, but she was brought up by a Malay family, and my Dad's dad was Malay, 100% pure, with extended warranty and 100% money-back guarantee. So I'm Indo-Ma-Nese

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 12:22 am

Monday, December 06, 2004
Mat Rock & Minah Kental - A Review by ADi

This is one really nice show. If you guys didn't get the chance to catch it, too bad. Maybe you can ask Teater Kami to put up a private viewing for you? Hehe! This one receives 4 out of 5 stars for me. It could do with floor mics to really catch the softer voices.

Mat Rock & Minah Kental (MRMK), the latest production by local Malay theatre group, Teater Kami (TK), portrays life in the 80's, when rock was at it's peak, and an there was an almost cult following by most, if not all the people, both young and old, of a trend called ROCK. Yes, headbanging, drums and electric guitars, long hair, parties, women, booze, drugs. Rock in it's every sense. Songs from popular Malay and English rock bands, like Deep Purple, Scorpions, Wings, Search and Ella. compliment this colourful play.

Besides being and almost vintage and a clear depiction of what it was like in the 80's, it also discussed issues that can be applied to todays modern world, although it has been nearly 20 years. Issues such as friendship, brotherhood, living dreams, family relationships and accepting fate as it is were raised, and explored well by the cast. Stereotypes of the Malay community then were quickly and clearly presented, with no stone left unturned. From women factory workers, to rock-crazy men, from the lingo to the dressing, everything about it was real, if not, genuine.

Kudos to the director, Mdm Atin Amat, the cast, and crew for a very memorable and nostalgic production, which would definitely go down well with people of all ages, either for a peek into the past, or simply for sweet memories. I'm sure the audience who have attended the production over the last 3 days have enjoyed themselves. It definitely was worth my $15.00

Thanks Aishah for 'Superstition'. I will enjoy it. Anyone want it too? Jus ask, k? leave an email address too.

Abby, thanks for introducing me to the play. I had a great day. You'll get your chance again some day. And I hope I get mine too.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 1:42 am

Saturday, December 04, 2004
Family Affair - By ME!

Today I got up at 11+. Then I surfed around for a while and finally officially got up at one.

My parents went for a marriage solemnisation ceremony, at AMK. They left at 2. and got back at around 5+, almost 6. So all the while, I was babysitting my bro (the 7-yr-old one) with his beloved XBox and played Halo till 6. No, I did not attend the solemnisation ceremony, although it was my cousin getting married.

Boy it was a big issue when I attended the dinner. Almost everyone asked me why I didn't attend it. It didn't help that my mum said that I was at home, and I suppose they assumed that I did not want to attend. But I did want to attend..

When I officially got up, my mum was all dressed and ready to go. They had a promise to keep and I did not want to hold them back, so I told her that I wasn't going. And that I didn't mind babysitting.

Blaa.. How much people care for attendance when it's a family affair. How about other things? Do people care to come when you got a bbq for the family at some east coast pit? No... they're too busy working, or 'got something on'. I'm just tired of such excuses.

To all my relatives, and cousins whom I have met only once a year, I'm sorry that you couldn't make it to my family gatherings to try to make everyone meet everyone else. I'm not remorseful that I didn't invite you, cos I know that even if I did, you wouldn't have come. And if you did, you would have left before anyone else had arrived.

Well, for the benefit of all of you, and my friends and everyone else I know, I'm planning a massive BBQ gathering this June at ECP, and I'm gonna invite everyone. Make it if you can, and details will be out thru all my communication channels. ie;Email, my blog, friendster, sms & phone calls. But I will fall short of putting it in the papers and on TV. So if anyone wanna give me a hand and call it your party too, you're most welcome. Hmm... maybe a stag and hen party? That will be some place else.

Well, Anyone got "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder? Since Taufiq won Idol, I'm so looking for that song. Kazaa doesn't have good versions of it. Yah, I added colours, maybe that would make the site less bland. Tag me if you got the links or file.

Abby, I love you. I'm looking forward to meet you tomorrow. I do hope that we'll enjoy ourselves there.

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 11:52 am

Friday, December 03, 2004
Abby, It's YOUR smile that makes me weak.

Hulloo!

Welcome. It's nice to be back, I do hope you guys are enjoying your stay so far.

Been caught up with work, TV, taking care of my brothers and the school holidays..

Well, busy man I am.

It's FRIDAY! and i can't believe i'm broke for the weekend. Got no cash. Duit raya also finish.. but it was an investment that was worth it. Now i got BROADBAND! yeah. the ultimate in home entertainment.
Broke for the weekend also reminds me that I gotta go meet my sugar daddy.., yeah.. it's been a while since i last met him. I miss him.

MY one and only dad. Tho he's not perfect, he's the best dad in the world. Even bald SNOOPY can't take his place. Haha.. you lost a perfect man, Mum. But i don't blame you, he ain't perfect enough for you. And now, you gotta lve with the epitome of him. But dun worry mum, i'll move out soon.. in about 8 years.

Yeah, I got problems, and I so dun wanna discuss it openly out here. drop me a mail, earn my trust, and maybe i'll tell it to you.

About the topic.. hmm... I dun normally do the title till i finissh the content.. bah.. who cares anyway..

anyway, I love smiles. i like to see smiles, i like to make people smile, and i lvoe to smile. So if you see a guy, smiling away for no reason, it doesn't take much to smile back.

Give a smile!

Abby, I so miss your smile!

nakalboi. Another day is done;
- 11:45 pm

	Name : Bambang Suryadi Location : Upnorth, Singapore
	A little bit of here, a little bit of there. I'm a little bit of everywhere. You gotta find out more about me, to know where I'd be
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